Corin is nearly done with his term amongst the priests. In a
matter of months, he'll be able to return home and leave his
miserably days in the temple behind him. He's tired of lazy
priests, and tired of stories of demon shadows that move of
their volition.
Then Corin starts to see things, and the priests begin to act
strangle, and he begins to wonder … is he losing his mind, or are
the shadows more than they seem?
This story was written for the Love is Always Writeevent at the
M/M Romance Group on GoodReads. It was written for Tori,
inspired by the author letter she wrote. Be sure to check the
group out, and enjoy the hundreds of other free stories
available there.
Playing with Shadows
By Sasha L. Miller
Published by Sasha L. Miller
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or
reproduced in any manner without written permission of the
publisher, except for the purpose of reviews.
Edited by Samantha M. Derr
Cover designed by Megan Derr
This book is a work of fiction and as such all characters and
situations are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual people,
places, or events is coincidental.
Electronic Edition June 2012
Copyright © 2012 by Sasha L. Miller
Printed in the United States of America
Playing with Shadows
Sasha L. Miller
Love is Always Write
5 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Eight months left. Corin turned to lie on his stomach,
burying his face in the straw pillow. It smelled stale, exactly like
it had when he'd first arrived at the monastery. The pallet he
was trying to sleep on was thinner, letting the cold of the stone
beneath it leach up through the thin layer of blanket and straw.
It wasn't supposed to be pleasant, Corin reminded himself.
The year's service was supposed to teach humility and respect
for the priests, not be a pleasant vacation from home. The only
things it had taught Corin so far were that he hated being cold
and hated being hungry and he hated all of the priests.
Well, most of the priests. He couldn't bring himself to hate
Rafferty, even if Rafferty was the one who'd dragged him to the
monastery. He'd hated Rafferty to begin with—and easily.
Corin's village was usually skipped when the priests made their
yearly rounds to check to make sure the villages surrounding
the monastery were sending in their young men and women.
It didn't matter that Corin's father was dead three years,
leaving his mother and four sisters dependent on him working
to survive. He didn't know how they were doing without him,
and it made him angry all over again to think of it. He should
have been there, not here. He should have been working for
them, not for a bunch of stupid priests who thoughtthey were
god's gift to the world.
Flipping again, Corin laid flat on his back, staring up into the
dark of the tiny room. He could hear the two men he shared
with; Alan was breathing even and steady, fast asleep, and
Mavir was snorting quietly in his sleep. If he were home and
unable to sleep, Corin would go for a walk until his mind shut
off. Unfortunately, it was forbidden to walk the monastery after
dark, so he was stuck here, listening to Alan and Mavir sleep
and listening to his own thoughts until they drove him mad.
Scowling, Corin tugged the thin blanket up over his
shoulder, hoping to regain some of the warmth he'd lost in his
tossing and turning. It was an exercise in futility; there was no
getting warm, not unless he tried crawling in with Mavir or Alan,
6 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
and he doubted they'd be happy with that. They never seemed
cold, despite having the same thin pallet and blankets that Corin
did.
It didn't matter, Corin told himself, finally giving up. Sitting
up, he pulled the blanket around his shoulders and shuffled
back to lean against the wall behind him. The room was
oppressively dark with absolutely no light to see by. They
weren't allowed candles on the grounds it would encourage
them to be up during the night. Add to that the lack of windows
in their room—it was tucked inside the monastery, far from any
exterior walls—and Corin couldn't see anything at all.
A shiver crept down his spine, and Corin shifted uneasily. It
was only the cold, Corin told himself, pulling the blanket tighter
around his shoulders. The room seemed warmer, but that was
only because he was no longer lying on the stone. Despite those
assurances, Corin sat as still as he could until the feeling passed,
slipping away as quickly as it came and leaving him feeling
colder than ever.
He really needed to start sleeping more, Corin decided, but
he made no move to lie back down. Staring into the darkness,
Corin debated breaking the rules and leaving. He wasn't sure he
could make it to the door without tripping, though;the stones
were uneven and hard to navigate in the daytime, let alone
when he couldn't see a damn thing. There would be no leaving
if he woke Alan or Mavir.
Corin didn't really want to venture into the monastery in
any case. It was a spooky place when he was allowed to walk
about; he couldn't imagine it would be any better in the dark of
night. He was better off staying there, pretending to sleep and
thinking too much. He wanted to go home. He missed his
family, everything from his mother's scolding when he did
something she considered stupid to Elisa's frettingabout what
ribbon to put in her hair to attract the attention of the baker's
boy.
Shifting against the wall, Corin tried to distract himself. His
thoughts immediately slipped to Rafferty. He didn't often see
Rafferty since he was one of the priests who was sent out often
7 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
on one errand or another. He saw him enough to knowthat the
other priests didn't seem to like Rafferty much, though Corin
hadn't figured out why. Rafferty did everything therest of the
priests did, didn't seem to slack in his duties.
He was nicer to them and maybe that was why the other
priests didn't care for him? He never seemed mean or to take
joy in ordering Corin or the other servants to do some arduous
task that didn't really need doing. Honestly, who needed to
scrub all of the walls on a weekly basis? Stone walls, at that.
Rafferty only ever asked them to do normal things, like
scrubbing floors that were actually dirty.
If Corin were being honest, it wasn't any of that which had
changed his mind on Rafferty. It had been the day he'd been up
on the roof. One of the other priests had ordered Corin to the
roof to sweep away stray leaves and dirt for some sort of
ceremony they were doing. Corin had had the roof half done,
going nice and slow to enjoy the sunlight for the first time since
he'd been dragged to the monastery when he'd seen Rafferty.
Rafferty had been standing at the top of one of thetowers,
his priesthood cloak discarded. He was wearing a white shirt
that billowed gently in the wind, and he'd been staring out
across the kingdom, a melancholy look on his face. He'd looked
so sad and lonely up there, all alone, and Corin had made the
mistake of letting it get to him. Rafferty hadn't seen him, and
Corin had hastily gotten back to work. When he'd finished,
Rafferty was gone, but Corin hadn't been able to look at him the
same way since.
He should hate Rafferty, he really should, but Corin didn't.
He looked as lonely and alone as Corin felt, trapped in the
monastery with no way to leave. Corin would be arrested if he
left before the year was up, and then he'd never see his family
again. Rafferty … Corin didn't know much about the priesthood,
but he expected it wasn't easy to walk away from. At least Corin
would get to leave after a year; Rafferty would be stuck there
forever.
Yawning, Corin shifted, sliding down the wall without
relinquishing his hold on the blanket. He let his head touch the
8 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
pillow and then shut his eyes again, hoping to fallasleep before
he worked his head into further circles.
Eight months left. He could do this.
****
Corin groaned, but obediently pushed himself upright as
light flooded through his tiny room. Alan was out the door
before Corin could do more than blink and yawn, and Mavir
followed slowly, not giving Corin a second glance. Corin ignored
them in kind, dragging himself off the pallet and to his feet. It
felt like he hadn't slept a wink, but Corin made himself move
anyway. He'd feel more awake after breakfast. Hopefully.
The dining hall was packed with servants. Breakfast was
cold leftovers from the previous night since no onewas allowed
to be up before the sun. Thankfully, there was plenty of hot tea
since that didn't take much to make. It was cheap tea, weak and
watery, but better than nothing. Corin helped himself to a cup
of tea and a hunk of stale bread, and then found himself a seat,
waiting for the priest in charge of them to come with the day's
assignments.
Hopefully, it would be something easy, Corin thought,
slumping in his chair tiredly. He doubted he'd be that lucky,
however. He never was. Corin had finished his breakfast and
was drinking his second cup of tea when two priestsentered the
room. The low chatter from the rest of the servants
immediately died down, and Corin tried not to stare. Neither of
the two priests were the man who usually directed them. Corin
immediately recognized Rafferty, but he didn't knowthe name
of the other priest, only that he was one of the higher-ranking
priests who barely deigned to acknowledge Corin andhis peers
existed.
"If I call your name, please come with us," Rafferty said, his
voice carrying across the quiet room. He listed offfive names,
none of which Corin recognized. Corin watched, curious, as the
five stood, setting aside cups and leaving the room behind
Rafferty and the other priest. That was highly unusual, but Corin
9 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
supposed they probably had some special project that those
people were best to work on.
The dining hall filled with chatter again, and Corin ignored
it, partly because he was tired and not feeling particularly
friendly and partly because the main topic of conversation was
a discussion on whether so-and-so had actually seen the
shadows move and whether the stories the priests told about
the demon shadows were at all true.
It was a load of crock in Corin's opinion. It wasn't a popular
opinion, as he'd found out his second day there when he'd
made the mistake of laughing at Karli, who was adamant she'd
seen the shadows moving in odd ways one evening. A few
others had come forward with stories about the shadows, but
Corin hadn't believed them any more than he'd believed Karli. It
was stupid, the idea of shadows coming to life.
The priests hadn't helped. Their weekly sermons tended to
focus on nebulous demons ready to snatch the souls of any
servant who was tempted to disobey the priests. They harped
on fate and doing one's duties and Corin was sick of it.
Unfortunately, most of his peers were sucked in, and Corin's
continued derision had alienated them thoroughly.
It didn't make any sense. If it were true that demons lurked
in the shadows, wouldn't everyone see them, not only Karli and
a few others? Corin didn't trust a word the priestssaid, either.
They were more interested in keeping themselves happy and
well-pampered and were more than willing to use the idea of
"demons in the shadows" to keep the servants doing what they
were told.
Corin finished his tea and resisted the urge to rest his head
on the table in front of him. He might not be able to get up
again if he did that. The priest who normally handed out duties
arrived then, keeping Corin from giving in anyway.
He ended up assigned to kitchen duties, which wasn't
terrible. The cook kept a pot of tea on at all times for everyone
simply because there was so much running around involved in
kitchen work. Corin ended up on dish duty, which kept him in
one place and didn't take half as much energy as fetching would
10 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
have. Corin wasn't sure he could have spent the day running
back and forth getting firewood and water.
Corin was still exhausted by the time they broke for dinner.
His hands were long wrinkled, numb from both the cold water
and the constant use. The priests ate an hour before the
servants, and the servants ate after, before being immediately
ushered off to their rooms for the evening. Corin sat down
heavily in the dining hall, ignoring the way he wasignored. He
started eating slowly, noting that the five who'd been selected
that morning were back.
"No, nothing special," the young man closest to Corin was
saying to Karli. "We had to clean a library with them breathing
down our necks. I swear, they made each of us clean off the
desk since none of us could do it right or something."
Corin rolled his eyes, not surprised by that. He stopped
paying attention then, more inclined to eat than tolisten to the
stupid conversations around him. After dinner, the priests
escorted them back to their rooms, and Corin wastedno time in
stretching out on his bedding, falling asleep quickly despite the
cold discomfort of the thin pallet.
He woke up thrashing at some point later, his heartracing
and fear thrumming in his veins. A nightmare, Corin realized
after a moment, his breathing loud and ragged in the quiet of
the room. He hadn't woken Alan or Mavir, judging by their
breathing. Corin took a few deep breaths, trying toremember
the dream, but to no avail. The room was too warm again, and
Corin stilled, feeling completely unsettled as he stared towards
the ceiling.
There was nothing in the room, Corin thought. It was a byproduct of his nightmare. Alan and Mavir were the only
company he had, sleeping quietly nearby. Forcing himself to
move, Corin flipped, letting a gust of cool air under his blanket.
Lying flat on his stomach, Corin buried his face in his stalesmelling pillow and tried to go back to sleep. The uneasiness
slipped away after a few moments, and Corin fell back asleep,
determinedly thinking about nothing at all.
11 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
****
Corin paused in the act of lifting his cup of tea to his mouth,
staring when Rafferty and the other priest appearedat the door
to the dining hall again. This was the third day they'd shown,
selecting five of them to go clean a library. It was the same
library each day, and none of the gossip Corin had overheard
made it make any more sense.
Probably the priests were being finicky, Corin thought as
Rafferty listed out names again. Corin didn't breathe again until
Rafferty listed the last name. He wasn't picked, which was a
good thing. He wasn't looking forward to whatever scrutiny the
priests were putting them under—
Corin's thoughts stumbled to a halt when Rafferty looked
right at him, a pensive look furrowing his brow. Heturned away
in the next second, and Corin stared after him, wondering what
that was about. Rafferty hadn't given him a spare look since
he'd dropped Corin off at the monastery. Setting down his cup
of tea, Corin tried not to worry. Rafferty probably didn't
remember Corin and couldn't place why Corin looked familiar.
There was no other reason for Rafferty to be givinghim such a
strange look.
He didn't get a chance to think about it any further, as the
normal priest came in then and started handing out
assignments. Corin was assigned with a handful of others to
cleaning the great hall where the priests held their sermons
each week. Corin ended up scrubbing the dais where the head
priest stood and lectured.
It wasn't a difficult job. The dais was made of smooth,
polished wood that required very little in the way of actual
scrubbing. He took his time doing it, not eager to move onto the
stone portions of the floor. The dais was large, covering as much
floor as the tiny room he slept in. A podium, carved out of dark
gray stone, was set directly in the center of the dais. There were
cubbies on the side facing away from the audience area of the
room, Corin noted. They were empty, but dusty, as though they
hadn't been cleaned or used in a while.
12 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
A semi-circle of tall candelabras stood behind the podium.
They'd be lit during the ceremony that opened the sermon, and
the candles were left to burn afterwards. The wall behind the
dais was decorated with tapestries that depicted famous scenes
from the priests' teachings: lightning striking out against dark
clouds, a man standing tall against a shadowy monster, light
wreathing a man dressed in priests' robes.
Sliding his bucket along the dais towards the nearest
candelabra, Corin started washing it. He glanced back over the
hall, unsurprised to see the rest of his group working as slowly
as he was. They were chatting though, and Corin stifled another
wave of homesickness. He wanted someone to talk to,but no
one here would give him the time of day. He deserved that, he
supposed, for being so dismissive of Karli.
Eight months. That wasn't too long, right? So why did it feel
like he was never going to leave? Corin rolled his eyes at
himself—that was about as dramatic as Karli and hershadows.
Corin turned to focus his attention on the candelabra again,
only to have his eye caught by a flash of red. An apple, bright
and ripe, sat on the edge of one of the cubbies of the podium.
Corin swore it hadn't been there before. He'd looked in the
podium—it had been all dust and nothing else. Corin glanced
back out into the sermon hall, but no one was closeenough to
have snuck up and put it there without his noticing. He wasn't
concentrating that much on cleaning. Looking back at the
podium, Corin frowned pensively at the apple. His stomach
flipped uneasily, and he turned back to the candelabra, focusing
on running his rag through the grooves and designs decorating
it.
There was something wrong, Corin decided, but he didn't
know what, and he didn't know what to do about it. He wasn't
touching that apple, though. Nothing good could come of that.
Corin turned and glanced at the podium again. The apple was
still there, sitting innocuously at the edge of the shelf. He'd
leave the podium to last, Corin decided, and then wash around
the apple if he had to.
13 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Maybe it had been there before? How much attention had
he really been paying to the podium earlier? Maybe he'd looked
at the bottom shelf and decided the top shelf was empty as
well? Corin glanced at the podium again—the apple wasn't on
the edge of the shelf like he'd thought, but six inches back,
shadowed by the sides of the podium.
He was being as bad as Karli's dramatics again, Corin
thought, rising to his knees to reach higher on the candelabra
he was cleaning. The apple was probably some priest's
breakfast snack. Except apples weren't in season, Corin's
traitorous mind told him. How would a perfectly ripe apple exist
this far away from fall? Corin's stomach flipped again, and a chill
raced down his spine. He stared resolutely at the candelabra,
refusing to give into the urge to check if the apple was still
there.
The sound of footsteps on the dais brought Corin's head
around, and he stared at Rafferty for a moment before turning
to check the podium. The cubbies were completely empty
again, and Corin's stomach settled, the uneasiness disappearing
as suddenly as it had come. What in the world was going on?
"Come with me, please," Rafferty said, breaking into Corin's
thoughts. He looked grim, and Corin wondered if he'd done
something wrong. He'd been doing what he was told, cleaning
the dais. Scrambling to his feet, Corin dropped hisrag into his
bucket and obediently headed after Rafferty, his mind racing.
The apple had been there. He knew it had been there, even
if it hadn't been there when he'd started cleaning the dais.
Running a hand through his hair in agitation, Corin didn't pay
any attention as Rafferty led him out of the sermonhall. Maybe
he had been seeing things. It wasn't as though he'd been
sleeping well lately. There was every chance that his lack of
sleep was playing games in his head.
Rafferty stopped suddenly, and Corin barely stopped
himself before he ran into Rafferty's back. Rafferty pulled out a
key and unlocked the door in front of him, and thenpushed the
door open. He stepped inside, holding the door for Corin. He
14 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
shut the door firmly, and Corin clearly heard the lock slide
home, leaving him once more feeling unsettled.
That feeling didn't abate as Rafferty started chanting softly,
rhythmically, and Corin took a few steps further into the room,
away from Rafferty, as though that would do him any good if
Rafferty were about to kill him or do something dire to him.
Rafferty didn't look particularly murderous, Corin admitted,
crossing his arms over his chest as he watched Rafferty chant at
the door.
Rafferty was handsome, Corin admitted to himself. He had
bright, golden blond hair that was tied back at thenape of his
neck. His eyes were hazel, bright and sharp as he chanted. He
had a strong chin and high cheekbones, and Corin was staring.
Turning away, Corin stared at the room, trying to distract
himself. Nothing about this felt right—from the apple to
Rafferty's chanting at the door.
The room was small and smelled of soap and dust. It had
two large windows overlooking the fields below. A small writing
desk was set against one wall with a matching chair. A shabby
blue rug marked a circle across the stone floor. Other than that,
the room was empty, sparse and quiet.
When Rafferty stopped chanting, Corin turned back towards
the door where Rafferty stood. He looked pensive again, not
happy, and Corin crossed his arms, waiting for whatever bad
news Rafferty had. It was obvious he had something to say to
Corin, and it wasn't going to be happy, judging from the
expression on his face.
"Have a seat, please," Rafferty said quietly. He gestured
towards the chair by the writing desk, and Corin obediently
crossed the room, sitting down. His stomach sank. He wasn't
allowed to contact home, but what if something had happened
to his mother or one of his sisters? Surely they'd tell him that,
and what else would Rafferty pull him away from everyone else
to tell him? The chanting was still strange, though.
"I need your help," Rafferty said, his voice still quiet as he
walked over to the windows. He touched a finger to one of the
panes of glass and started chanting again. The windows turned
15 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
darker, as though they had a sheer black curtain covering them.
Corin stared, but he wasn't seeing things. The windows were
definitely darker, as was the room.
Rafferty turned, and his eyes seemed too bright for the
dimness of the room. He stared at Corin for a moment, as
though expecting Corin to say something, but Corin stayed
quiet. Rafferty had definitely turned the windows darker, but
that was unnatural. How had he done that? Was it related to
the apple? Was Corin asleep and dreaming?
"Do you know why you're here?" Rafferty asked. Corin
couldn't read his expression, shaded as he was in the darkened
room.
"To learn humility and respect," Corin recited, obediently
repeating the words that were drilled into them every week.
"To serve the priests. You."
"No," Rafferty said, shaking his head. His too-bright eyes
were pinned to Corin, and Corin fought the urge to squirm
under the weight of Rafferty's gaze. "You've noticed the
shadows."
"The shadows?" Corin repeated, unable to keep the
skepticism from his voice. "There are shadows everywhere."
"Don't be an idiot," Rafferty said, scowling at Corin. "You're
too strong not to have noticed."
"Strong?" Corin repeated, wondering if Rafferty wasfeeling
all right. Perhaps he'd fallen ill and was hallucinating, dragging
Corin into his strange visions?
"Strong." Rafferty sighed, the pensive look slipping over his
face. "Everyone has some measure of spirit energy; you have a
great deal of it, more than some of our highest priests. Priests
are taught to shield against the shadows, like I did there,"
Rafferty gestured towards the door, "but since you don't know
how, the shadows will have been following you, trying to get
close to you."
"You mean the demons in the shadows?" Corin asked,
furrowing his brow. Maybe the priests had learned he was
skeptical of that line and were trying to scare him into
believing? Rafferty, with whatever he had done to the windows
16 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
and door, could probably try to fool him with his tricks. The
apple, too, maybe?
"Yes," Rafferty said. "You don't believe a word I'msaying."
Corin hesitated and then shrugged. He was pretty sure he
wasn't supposed to say that.
"They're real," Rafferty said quietly, his eyes sliding halfshut. He looked eerie, his face mostly shadowed and his eyes
still glowing slightly. He continued quietly, his voice a raspy
whisper in the quiet of the little room. "They're very real, and
they want to be free of the shadows."
Corin shifted in his seat uneasily then stood, crossing over
to the window still draped in darkness. Rafferty watched him,
not saying anything as Corin approached the window. Corin
touched the glass, surprised to find it felt normal despite the
dark tint to it. "What is this?"
"No one can see in," Rafferty said. "It blocks anyone on the
other side from seeing into the room."
"Wouldn't that attract attention?" Corin asked. He'd be
curious if he looked at a window and saw darkness where it
wasn't supposed to be.
"The room looks normal from the outside; they can'tsee us,
is all," Rafferty clarified, his eyes opening fullyagain. They were
glowing, Corin noted, and he swallowed hard, wondering what
that meant.
"You don't want anyone to know we're talking?" Corin
guessed. He couldn't think of any other reason for Rafferty to
block the windows. He'd probably done something similar to
the door, if that was the case.
"No," Rafferty said. "If they knew I was speaking with you…"
Rafferty trailed off, frowning. "But you don't believe me, so why
would you believe…"
"Believe what?" Corin asked, not liking the ambiguity of
Rafferty's statement. It sounded like there would be bad
consequences if they were caught talking, but Rafferty hadn't
said anything that Corin would consider worthy of punishment.
17 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"The priests are going to kill you," Rafferty said, his tone
completely matter-of-fact. Corin stared at him, wondering if
he'd misheard. "I need your help to stop it."
"What? Why?" Corin asked, his brow furrowing. "That
doesn't make any sense."
"It happens every year," Rafferty said. He turned to face
Corin squarely, holding out his hand. "The demons are bound to
do no harm and to stay in the shadows, but the binding needs
to be renewed every year."
"How do they renew the binding?" Corin asked, suddenly
sure he didn't want to know the answer to that, buthe couldn't
keep from asking.
"It takes spirit energy," Rafferty said, and Corin connected
the dots.
"Which I have a lot of," Corin said, feeling light-headed all of
a sudden. "But—if it's done every year, why hasn't anyone
noticed? Everyone here is a gossip; they wouldn't keep it a
secret."
"No one but the priests know," Rafferty said, stepping
forward and grabbing one of Corin's hands. Corin stepped back,
trying to tug his hand free, but Rafferty didn't let him. "Stop."
Corin stopped, uncertain, and that uneasy feeling washed over
him again. "Can you feel that?"
Corin hesitated, but nodded, startled when the uneasy
feeling morphed into something warm and hot snaking across
his skin and straight to his cock. Ripping his hand away, Corin
took a step back, hoping the darkness of the room hid the way
his cheeks were turning red.
"What was that?" Corin asked, the words tumbling from his
lips unbidden.
"Um," Rafferty said, shaking his head as though to clear it.
"Energy. I didn't—It wasn't supposed to do that."
"Right," Corin said, crossing his arms and making anote to
never touch Rafferty again. Casting about for a change of
subject, Corin asked, "How does no one know?"
"They drug the wine at dinner," Rafferty said. "Make sure
everyone sleeps through it. In the morning, when someone's
18 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
missing, they declare they've run off and set the authorities to
find them. There are always one or two runaways a year, and no
one thinks anything of it."
"But…" Corin protested weakly, because that made a
certain amount of sense. "What happens if they don't…" Corin
trailed off, not able to say 'kill me.' It still seemed so fantastic
and out of the realm of reality. Rafferty was deadly serious,
though, and there had been that moment—Corin flushed again,
trying to figure out what he was missing, where thejoke was,
what Rafferty really wanted.
"The demons will break free of the shadows," Rafferty said.
Corin gave him an incredulous look—how was that better than
Corin's dying? Not that Corin wanted to die, but letting demons
loose was better how? "There's another way."
"What?" Corin asked, not sure he wanted to know. Nothing
Rafferty had said so far had been good news, so whoknew what
he'd suggest as an alternative to Corin's dying—if he was even
telling the truth about that, which Corin still haddoubts about.
"There are spells that can be cast instead," Rafferty said,
glancing at the windows and touching the darkened panes. "Like
this, except they serve the same purpose as spilling your
energy."
"Why isn't that done instead, then?" Corin asked, frowning.
"It takes more energy and more effort," Rafferty said. He
didn't say anything more than that, but he didn't have to. Corin
had seen the priests in action. None of them seemedthe type to
expend more effort than they had to. But to go so far as to kill
people instead of spell casting? "They've also beendoing it this
way for almost a century and aren't willing to eventry anything
else." There was frustration in Rafferty's voice, and Corin bet
he'd tried and failed to convince the other priests to try it his
way.
"You need my help because I've got the energy to cast the
spell?" Corin asked. He really should doubt this whole tale, but
why would Rafferty lie to him? What did he have to gain from
that? Corin hadn't been imagining the sensation when Rafferty
had touched him and done whatever he'd done with his energy.
19 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"Between you and me, we have the energy to cast the
spell," Rafferty said, his face relaxing somewhat. "So you believe
me now?"
Corin shrugged, looking away. "Weird things have
happened. Demons in the shadows are as good an explanation
as any."
"Weird things?" Rafferty asked, stepping closer. "Like
what?"
"Um." Corin hesitated, but if anyone was going to believe it,
it would be Rafferty. "I get these weird feelings sometimes, like
when you first…" Corin held out his hand, not sure how to
describe what Rafferty had done.
"When I first pulled your spirit energy out?" Rafferty
finished for him and that sounded incredibly creepy.
Corin nodded and made himself continue, ignoring the rest
of the feelings Rafferty had instigated when he'd pulled Corin's
spirit energy out. "Then there was the apple."
"Apple?" Rafferty asked intently, and Corin only barely kept
himself from taking a step back at the intensity of Rafferty's
stare.
"Right before you showed up in the sermon hall," Corin said
slowly, not sure he should have been explaining howmuch he
was possibly hallucinating. "It just appeared underthe podium. I
was sure there wasn't anything there. Then it moved back on
the shelf, and when you showed up, it disappeared."
Rafferty didn't say anything, looking pensive again, and
Corin decided he shouldn't have said anything aboutthe apple.
He probably sounded crazy, and how would demons in the
shadows make an apple appear and move and disappear?
"I was probably imagining it," Corin said hastily. He didn't
know what to think anymore. Was he crazy? Was Rafferty? He'd
been dead set against the idea of shadow demons earlier that
morning. Why was he now acting as if they were real?
"The priests conduct a test when the barrier against the
shadows starts to fail to gauge the strength of thespirit energy
of each person in the building," Rafferty said, andCorin stared
at him uncertainly, not sure what that had to do with Corin's
20 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
backtracking. "We pick five or so people and have them each
pick up a magical talisman."
"Is that what you've been picking people for at breakfast?"
Corin asked, connecting the dots.
Rafferty nodded, stepping away from the window and
towards the door. Corin watched him uncertainly, but Rafferty
turned after a few paces and headed back towards the window.
He didn't look happy, and Corin shifted in place, wishing he
were back in the sermon hall cleaning candelabras. Well,
perhaps not there, since the strange incident with the apple had
happened there. The room he slept in wasn't safe, either—that
was where the strange feeling happened. Was there anywhere
Corin would be safe?
"You've probably heard about it, that everyone is made to
clean a certain desk in the room," Rafferty said, breaking into
Corin's dismal thoughts. "The talisman is on the desk. It's
obscured, in the shape of an apple."
"You think it's related?" Corin asked, immediately feeling
stupid for asking that. Of course Rafferty thought it was related.
Why else would he have brought it up?
"The barrier must be failing more quickly than I thought,"
Rafferty said quietly. He stopped pacing, coming to a stop by
the window. Corin wasn't sure if he was supposed tohave heard
that. Rafferty didn't seem to expect an answer, staring out the
darkened window as though all the answers were hidden
somewhere in the landscape.
"What does that mean?" Corin asked, wiping his sweaty
palms on the front of his trousers.
"They shouldn't be able to move objects or manifestthem,
whichever it was. The barrier is weaker than I realized, which
means we don't have a lot of time," Rafferty said, his brow
furrowing in thought.
"So we have to… do the spell thing sooner?" Corin asked.
"It takes a few days to prepare for the ceremony," Rafferty
said. Corin jumped when Rafferty suddenly slammed his fist
against the window pane. "Dammit!"
21 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"What?" Corin asked, taking another step back. He nearly
tripped over the writing chair behind him, barely managing to
right himself before he fell.
"If Tennyson notices the barrier is failing, he'll step up the
testing," Rafferty said. "I've been keeping you out of the
selection, since you're strong enough that they'll stop looking,
but if he steps up the testing, they'll find you much more
quickly."
"Tennyson?" Corin asked, not placing the name. It was
easier to focus on that instead of his impending death. If
Rafferty was telling the truth and not spinning some elaborate
lie. What would he gain from that, however? Rafferty didn't
strike him as deceitful, but what if he was an excellent actor?
"The head priest," Rafferty clarified. "I'll figureit out, don't
worry."
Corin scowled because the way Rafferty said that, it
sounded as if he was completely dismissing Corin, as though
Corin couldn't handle it. "What happens if I don't trust you to
handle it? I could run off for real."
"Then they'll kill someone else in your place," Rafferty said
flatly, scowling at him. "And next year, when your sister comes
for her turn serving here, they'll pick her. She's almost as strong
as you are."
Moori was two years younger than he was. Rafferty wasn't
lying when he said she'd be required to serve the following
year. So if he didn't go along with Rafferty's plan, the other
priests would kill him. If he ran off, they'd kill someone else, and
either way, Moori would die the following year. Clenching his
fists, Corin glared at Rafferty. "Fine."
"I didn't mean—" Rafferty started, stepping towardsCorin.
"Don't you have preparations to be making?" Corin asked
caustically, wondering if he could make a dramatic exit, or if
whatever Rafferty had done to the door would prevent him
from leaving.
"Right," Rafferty muttered. He gave Corin a look like he
wanted to say something else, but in the end, he only turned
away, stepping up to the window and touching it. The darkness
22 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
slid away from the glass at Rafferty's touch, dissipating in the
air. Corin blinked at the sudden brightness.
Rafferty turned sharply on his heel, striding across the small
room to the door. He paused with his hand on the knob, looking
over his shoulder at Corin. "Don't touch the apple."
Corin nodded, vaguely unsettled, and then Rafferty was
gone, opening the door and stepping into the hallway. Corin
stared after him, his mind buzzing. Nothing made sense, and he
had the feeling that it was only going to get worse.
****
Corin didn't sleep well again that night, too keyedup with
thoughts of his impending doom. It also didn't helpthat at some
point around dinner, he'd realized that Rafferty had pulled his
spirit energy out—like the demons did, at night, when no one
else was awake. He'd spent a few hours fretting about whether
they could drain him completely before finally falling into a fitful
sleep.
He wasn't sure whether the demons had shown up; his
dreams had been too chaotic for him to tell whether he was
dreaming or awake the entire night. It certainly felt like he
hadn't slept a wink, and even Alan had commented on how
terrible Corin looked.
Corin made himself eat another spoonful of the tasteless
porridge that was being served for breakfast. He wasn't
particularly hungry, but he wasn't stupid enough to think
skipping a meal would do anything other than make him feel
worse. He glanced towards the door to the dining hall again,
wondering when Rafferty would show with the head priest to
pull more of them out.
He wouldn't be able to talk to Rafferty, not with another
priest around, and Corin definitely didn't want to draw any
attention to himself. Drawing attention to himself might cause
another priest to see whatever it was that Rafferty saw that
made him realize Corin had a lot of spirit energy.
23 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
If Rafferty wasn't leading him on, that was. Corin had no
idea what to believe. Rafferty seemed sincere, seemed like he
was telling the truth about the sacrifice. What if it wasn't true?
What if he was working with the demons instead, trying to
break them free? What if he wanted Corin's energy for his own
purposes instead of to block the demons?
Corin didn't know, and he didn't know how to figureout if
Rafferty was lying or not. If he went to another priest and
Rafferty had been telling the truth, then Corin would probably
be killed sooner rather than later. If he didn't, and Rafferty had
been lying… Well, who knew what would happen then. Besides
Rafferty, that was.
As though summoned by his thoughts, Rafferty chose that
moment to appear in the doorway. Corin hastily jerked his gaze
away, back to his bowl of porridge and cup of tea. His cheeks
had to be red, and Corin hoped no one noticed because he
didn't have an explanation for that.
Rafferty listed off seven names—Corin's omitted, as he'd
promised. Corin frowned, wondering why they'd picked more
people that day. Corin glanced at the doorway again, somewhat
startled to meet Rafferty's gaze. He looked as tired as Corin felt;
his face was cheerless and listless. Even his robe was mussed
and wrinkled, as though he'd slept in it and had only just woken.
Looking away, Corin forced himself to eat more quickly. If
Rafferty and the high priest—Tennyson, Corin recalled from his
conversation with Rafferty the previous day—were there, then
it wouldn't be long before the priest in charge of them came to
hand out assignments.
Corin ended up assigned to clearing off the roof again. The
priest who ordered him up there didn't say what for, as he had
last time, but why else would he be cleaning the roof if not for a
ceremony? At least the task left him unsupervised and alone,
which would let him take it nice and slowly and maybe even
catch a nap in a sunlit corner. It wouldn't be particularly
comfortable considering the roof wasn't especially padded, but
it was better than nothing.
24 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
The roof was accessible from four points throughout the
monastery. A narrow set of stairs wound upwards through the
monastery to each access. Corin climbed up slowly, taking his
time and trying not to speculate what kind of ceremony the
priests would be conducting on the roof within the next few
days. It was an exercise in futility, especially as his mind had
already decided that it was going to be the ceremony where
he'd be sacrificed to beat back the demons.
What would they do with his body? What had they done
with the bodies of previous sacrifices? Maybe they were eaten
whole by the demons. Sacrifice of body and energy, perhaps.
Corin shook his head, trying to dislodge the unpleasant thoughts
as he reached the top of the stairs. Shoving open the door,
Corin stepped outside into the sunlight.
There were clouds in the sky, scattered, white and fluffy. It
was chilly, the last remnants of winter clinging to the breeze
that scattered Corin's hair across his face. Shoving it out of his
eyes, Corin stepped out onto the roof and pulled the access
door shut behind him. It was a strange roof—most roofs were
slanted to let rain and snow slide off them insteadof building
up. This roof was flat, likely because it was needed for
ceremony space.
It required more upkeep, but it wasn't like the priests cared
since they weren't the ones sweeping away snow or leaves.
There was a low wall around the edges of the roof, barely
reaching up to Corin's knee. It was slotted every foot or so to
give rain and melted snow someplace to go. The roofitself was
made up of interlocking octagon-shaped tiles. Corin didn't
understand how that worked without leaking, but he also didn't
care, so long as it worked.
The roof didn't look so terrible, Corin thought, rolling his
eyes. There were a few dead leaves here and there, but not so
much that it warranted another sweeping. He shouldn't have
been surprised. The priests were always giving themtasks that
didn't actually need to be done. No wonder no one questioned
that a handful of them were being made to clean the same
room over and over again.
25 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Maybe that was why they kept making Corin and the others
redo tasks that hadn't yet been undone. To make it seem less
strange when they tested everyone in the same way. Or maybe
to keep them all busy, Corin conceded. There were more
servants than the priests or monastery warranted, but letting
them have a day off now and again—sermon days didn't
count—wouldn't teach them humility and austerity.
Half-heartedly pushing a few leaves towards the edge of the
roof with his broom, Corin paused when he caught sight of
something glowing. Frowning, Corin circled around the glowing
spot on the roof. One of the octagon-shaped tiles was emitting
a faint green light, only barely visible when he shadowed it with
the broom.
Corin swept over the tile a few times with the broom, but
the tile still glowed. It didn't do anything else, and Corin stared
at it, perplexed. It hadn't done that the last timehe'd been up
there. He was sure of that; it had been cloudy that day. A
glowing tile would have stuck out like a sore thumb.
Letting the broom fall to the rooftop, Corin circled around
the tile so that it was in his shadow and he could see the faint
glow again. Curious, he inched closer. The tile continued to glow
and continued to do nothing. Giving into his curiosity, Corin
knelt on the rooftop, keeping a very small distancebetween the
tile and himself. Was this like Rafferty's magic, when he'd
turned the glass dark? Corin hesitated, and then reached out
and tentatively touched the glowing tile.
Nothing happened. Corin sighed, sitting back. What had he
expected? For it to reach out and bite him? He desperately
needed to get more sleep before he got any more stupid.
Maybe he should take a nap before he started cleaning off the
roof. That sounded like a good idea. The towers on each end of
the monastery provided nice quiet corners out of the wind that
were ideal for taking a nap.
Corin pushed himself to his feet slowly, yawning. A cloud
passed over the sun, slowly blocking out the sunlight, and Corin
made a face, glancing up at the sky and willing the cloud to
26 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
move quickly so he could have the sun back. Lookingback down
at the roof, Corin froze, his eyes widening.
More than the single tile were aglow. It was one of a
handful that glowed at the center of a circle of glowing tiles—a
circle that Corin was standing in the middle of. Scrambling back,
Corin removed himself from the circle as quickly ashe could. He
didn't know what the circle was for, but circles and ceremonies
and demons didn't make for a good combination.
The minute he was out of the circle, the tiles all stopped
glowing. Corin took a ragged breath, staring at therooftop for a
long moment. He was going crazy. Corin debated a moment,
and then took a step forward. The tiles slowly started to glow
again, and Corin hastily took a step back.
Something else to ask Rafferty about, Corin decided,
wondering when he'd get the chance. He didn't crosspaths with
Rafferty normally. He mostly saw Rafferty from a distance.
Rafferty might seek him out, or he might not, considering the
way they'd left things the previous day. No, Rafferty would
probably only come to get him once everything was ready for
his spell casting .
Rubbing a hand across his face, Corin eyed the broom. He'd
left it in the center of the circle of glowing tiles. He was too
awake to sleep now, but was he willing to venture into the circle
to fetch the broom and get to work clearing the rooftop? It was
that or return to the supply closet and fetch another. He'd have
to sweep off that section of the roof at some point, anyway.
Corin glanced up at the sky again, noting that the cloud
blocking the sun was nearly past. He'd wait until the sun came
out again. If he couldn't see the glowing tiles, they weren't
there, right? At least they didn't seem harmful, but Corin
couldn't shake the idea that the glowing tiles werea prelude to
his potential sacrifice, no matter how innocuous the glowing
tiles seemed.
He cleared the roof relatively quickly then retreated to the
farthest tower on the roof, even though it wasn't in the sunlight
and would get cold quickly. Tucking himself into the corner
27 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
where the tower met the roof, Corin closed his eyesand did his
best to ignore the chill seeping through the stone behind him.
Corin woke suddenly with a fright, flailing wildly.He landed
a solid blow to the shadow hovering above him, subsiding when
the shadow yelped in pain. Blinking a few times to clear his
vision, Corin stared wide-eyed at Rafferty. The sun was much
lower in the sky, Corin noticed. He'd slept clear through the
afternoon and almost into the evening, and he shuddered,
wondering what would have happened if he'd been out and
about after night fell.
He was getting as superstitious and paranoid as therest of
the servants, Corin thought, and then remembered it was for
good reason.
"Sorry," Corin mumbled as Rafferty stepped back, holding
one hand to the shoulder where Corin had thumped him.
"It's fine," Rafferty said, though he still looked faintly
surprised Corin had hit him. "Are you all right? You seemed to
be having a nightmare."
Corin frowned, trying to remember, but the only thing he
could recall was waking up and hitting Rafferty. "I don't
remember."
Rafferty nodded, his brow furrowing pensively. "Come on,
we need to get inside."
Corin took the hand Rafferty offered, stumbling to his feet
awkwardly. He ached from sleeping sitting up. He was also very,
very cold. Hunching his shoulders against the breeze—even
colder now than it had been earlier—Corin snatched up the
broom and followed Rafferty towards the nearest door to the
monastery.
"Why are you here?" Corin asked, and cringed because that
sounded terrible, like he didn't want to see Rafferty. "I mean,
how did you know I was up there?"
"Armin mentioned you were working on the roof, and I
noticed you weren't at dinner," Rafferty said, his voice echoing
oddly in the stairwell. "It's not safe out at night."
"Is it safe inside at night?" Corin asked sourly, wondering if
there was any difference.
28 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"Safer," Rafferty said, shrugging one shoulder. The stairs
were dimly lit through small windows along the stairwell, and
Rafferty was only a shadowy form in front of Corin."You missed
dinner, but there's nothing to be done about that now."
Corin didn't reply to that; there was nothing to say. If it was
past dinner, then he needed to go to his room for the night.
After sleeping all afternoon, there was no way he was going to
sleep, which meant he was going to lie awake in thepitch black,
listening to Alan and Mavir sleep and waiting for the demons to
show up and pull out more of his energy.
"I had questions," Corin blurted out as they reached the first
landing. The stairs took a sharp turn left, and Rafferty paused,
glancing down the stairs before turning to Corin.
"About…" Rafferty began, but trailed off, not completing his
sentence. His eyes narrowed, but not at Corin, and he abruptly
started down the stairs again. "Follow me."
Corin glanced over his shoulder, but there was nothing
there. He didn't even feel like he did when the shadows were
around. Rafferty was taking the stairs much more quickly, and
Corin hastened to catch up to him. About halfway down the
tower, Rafferty stopped abruptly and opened a door,revealing
a hallway. It was lit, unlike the lower levels where Corin's room
was. Candles were set in holders every six feet or so,
supplementing the dim twilight that spilled in fromthe windows
along one side of the hall.
"Quickly," Rafferty said, an edge to his voice that Corin
didn't like. Rafferty walked swiftly down the hall, half a stride
from outright running. Corin followed, not looking around
worriedly only because he had to push himself to keep up with
Rafferty.
They passed a handful of small, narrow hallways before
Rafferty finally turned down one. It was narrower and darker
than the main hallway. There were candles lining the walls, but
they were more widely spaced and seemed to throw less light.
Rafferty didn't pause, heading down the hallway at the same
fast clip. Corin's stomach flipped uneasily as theymoved further
into the gloomy hallway.
29 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Rafferty didn't seem to notice, and Corin crossed his arms
defensively over his chest, trying not to think about what was
lurking in the shadows. Rafferty stopped suddenly, looking up
and down the hallway once before lifting his hand to the door in
front of him. He held his palm an inch away from the door.
Corin watched, but nothing happened.
Dropping his hand, Rafferty opened the door and stepped
into a dark room. Corin hesitated, but then scowledat himself.
He wasn't afraid of the dark, and he wasn't going to start being
afraid now—even if there were things in the dark tobe afraid
of.
Rafferty shut the door behind him and ignited a flash of
green light around the doorframe. It was the same color as the
tiles on the roof had been, and Corin stepped away from the
light, startled. It faded quickly, gone before Corin blinked, and
Rafferty brushed by Corin into the depths of the room. Corin
could hear him shuffling things around, but there wasn't enough
light to see what he was doing.
The unease was gone, Corin realized, shifting his weight
from one foot to another while he waited for Rafferty to do or
say something. Across the room, Rafferty lit a candle. Flickering
light revealed the room to be a bedroom. It was about the size
of the room Corin shared, but much nicer. Instead of a pallet,
there was a real bed frame. There were multiple blankets
stacked on the bed, and the pillow looked like it had five times
the filling that Corin's did.
A dark colored rug covered most of the floor. It was circular
in shape, the color impossible to tell in the dim light from the
candle. Rafferty was standing at a wide writing desk, lighting a
second candle by holding it to the flame of the first. The top of
the desk was covered in scraps of paper and books that were
stuffed with yet more pages.
The room had a window, too, Corin saw. It was covered by a
dark curtain that blocked any hint of light from outside. Not that
there would be much light, Corin thought, and he tried not to
worry about how he'd get to his room after Raffertyanswered
his questions. He'd deal with that when he had to.
30 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"What questions did you have?" Rafferty asked, setting the
second candle back into its holder.
"How do you know I have a lot of spirit energy?" Corin
asked, trying to remember what the other question was. He
could ask Rafferty about the glowing tiles on the roof, but that
hadn't been the question he'd thought of earlier.
"I can see it," Rafferty said, as though that made perfect
sense. He stepped away from the writing desk, crossing the
room to the bureau that was tucked against the bed. "Make
yourself comfortable. You're going to be here a while."
Corin hesitated, then obstinately crossed the room to the
bed and sat down there instead of the chair by the writing desk.
It brought him closer to Rafferty, but the mattresswas thick and
soft, and Corin wanted the comfort. "Why can you see it?"
"This isn't the monastery where I was inducted," Rafferty
said, pulling open one of middle drawers on the bureau and
rooting around inside it. "I studied at a cathedralin Thoeri. They
taught us how to use spirit energy in more than thefew ways
they use it here."
"So you cast a spell to see it?" Corin interpreted."And that's
why you know the other spell to seal the demons?"
"Right," Rafferty said, straightening. He tossed something—
a small bag—at Corin, and Corin reached up and caught it
reflexively. "Help yourself."
Corin pulled open the drawstrings on the bag somewhat
warily. He rolled his eyes at himself when he realized it was
filled with small bits of dried fruit. Deciding it was better not to
look a gift horse in the mouth and ask whyRafferty had food in
his dresser drawers, Corin said, "Thanks."
"You'll have to spend tonight here," Rafferty said,shutting
the drawer. "It's too dark to walk the hallways now."
It was warmer in Rafferty's room, Corin thought, and he
wouldn't have to listen to Mavir's snores. He was still wary of
Rafferty's intentions, but he doubted Rafferty would kill him
before whatever it was he needed Corin's help for.
31 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"The demons can't get in here, so you'll be fine," Rafferty
continued, sitting down on the other end of the bed. "What else
did you want to know?"
"How can the demons not get in here?" Corin asked, though
in retrospect, that was probably obvious. Magic. Itdid explain
why the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach had
disappeared when he'd walked through the doorway.
"It's another spell. It takes a lot of time and energy to set,
which is why it can't be done everywhere," Rafferty said,
offering a faint smile that was barely visible in the candlelight
from across the room. "If we don't end up arrested,I can show
you some of the spells. You should be able to use them with the
amount of energy you have."
"Why don't the other priests here know the spells you do?"
Corin asked, curious. "I mean, you learned in the city, but why
don't they ask you to show them? Especially the onewhere you
can see energy. That seems like it would be a lot easier than an
apple."
"They don't care," Rafferty said flatly. "If they cared about
casting better spells, they'd do what I suggested without me
having to sneak around and do it behind their backs."
"Oh." That made a certain amount of sense, Corin
supposed. He ate some of the dried fruit slowly, trying not to
scarf it down rudely. He was hungry for the first time in a while.
Maybe having the demons trapped outside the room helped his
appetite?
"I'm sorry," Rafferty said, abruptly breaking the silence.
Corin froze, wondering what Rafferty was apologizing for—and
if he was apologizing in advance. "About yesterday.I shouldn't
have brought your sister into it."
"If it's true, it's true," Corin said, shrugging. He snuck a
glance at Rafferty, flushing when he realized Rafferty was
staring at him. "I could've handled it better."
"You handled it pretty well, considering everything I
dumped on you," Rafferty said, and Corin's heart twisted at the
melancholy look that stole across Rafferty's face. "I wish I could
do it without your help."
32 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"At least you're asking," Corin said, shrugging awkwardly.
"They weren't going to ask before they sacrificed me." He ate
another bit of dried fruit before he could say anything as stupid
as that.
"True enough," Rafferty said, but his voice was hollow, as
though he didn't quite believe what he was saying. "Did you
want to know anything else?"
"Um." Corin frowned in thought, trying to remember what
else he'd wanted to know that morning. "Oh, right. When I can
feel the demons, that's them pulling out my energy?"
"Yes and no," Rafferty said, sliding down the bed closer to
where Corin was sitting. "Hold out your hand."
Corin did so with only a small amount of hesitation, his
cheeks heating when he remembered what happened the last
time Rafferty had taken his hand. Rafferty didn't touch him, but
held his hand out over Corin's so that there was about an inch
of space separating them. He frowned in concentration, his
brow furrowing, and Corin almost jumped as the uneasy,
unsettled feeling flooded through him.
"Your energy reacts when there's a demon nearby," Rafferty
said, his voice quiet and almost lyrical when he spoke. "It's
pulled to the surface, and the sensation you feel is that
reaction. They're not pulling your energy out of you, but they're
pulling it to the surface, so to speak."
"So they can't take it?" Corin asked, dropping his voice to
match Rafferty's.
"Not as they are now," Rafferty said, sitting up straight and
dropping his hand to his lap. "In a few more days they might be
strong enough. We'll do the binding spell before then."
"When?" Corin asked, ignoring the way his voice wavered
on the question. A few days? That didn't sound good, and what
if Rafferty underestimated? Corin didn't really want to know
what it would be like when the demons could actually take his
energy instead of only attracting it.
"Tomorrow night, if I can manage it," Rafferty said, running
a hand through his hair. "The following morning, ifnot."
33 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Corin nodded, hoping that was soon enough. He set aside
the bag of dried fruit, not hungry any longer. "What happens
when you cast the spell? What do I have to do for it?"
Rafferty hesitated then stood. He unfastened his priest's
cloak, swinging it off his shoulders and dropping it on the bed.
He was wearing trousers and a thin, white shirt beneath it, and
Corin swallowed hard, his mind immediately remembering the
rush of heat Rafferty had kicked off with his touchthe previous
day.
Corin watched as Rafferty crossed the room again, turning
when he reached the far wall. He knelt next to the rug, rolling it
up and across the room. The floor was glowing faintly, barely
visible even in the dim light of the room. It was nothing like the
pattern on the roof, which seemed to have been a random
selection of tiles.
The pattern on the floor of Rafferty's room was done
completely in shapes. Jagged slashes, random swirls, and
interconnecting lines were all contained within a thin circle that
glowed more brightly than the rest of the… whateverit was.
"It's a spell circle. You'll stand on one side," Rafferty
gestured to a blank spot close to the window, "and I will stand
here." Rafferty hesitated then stood, dusting his hands off on
the front of his trousers. "We'll both have to cut ourselves to
open a path to our energy. Then I'll cast the spell, and that will
be it."
"How much of a cut?" Corin asked, frowning. Rafferty held
up his hand, spacing his thumb and forefinger a few inches
apart.
"It won't have to be deep," Rafferty said, crossingthe room
to the writing desk. He skirted around the circle, taking care to
not step on the lines of the circle despite how much space they
took up. It stretched nearly from one side of the room to the
other. Corin made himself look away, but the room was still
filled with the unearthly glow. Would he ever get used to it?
Then again, hopefully he wouldn't have to.
"What happens after the spell is cast?" Corin asked. "It'll
have to be renewed still, right?"
34 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Rafferty nodded, picking up one of the candles. He blew out
the other, but the light in the room didn't seem to dim. "The
head priest can't argue with me after I prove that the spell
works. It will need to be cast each year or so, but casting the
spell is better than what they do now."
Corin accepted that, wondering why it seemed like Rafferty
wasn't telling him something. It all seemed logical, and Rafferty
didn't seem shifty or like he was trying too hard to sell Corin a
lie. He was matter-of-fact about the ceremony, about the
demons, and about the priests. He was probably reading too
much into it all, Corin decided. The lack of sleep,not eating well,
having to suddenly reconcile that demons were real… well, it
was no wonder he felt off kilter.
Rafferty set the candle down on top of the bureau, the light
highlighting the melancholy look on his face. It was the same
look he'd had when Corin had seen him that one timeon the
roof when Rafferty had been standing at the top of one of the
towers. It was a sad look, more wrenching than the look Moori
had worn when the miller's son had broken her heart last
summer.
"Why are you sad?" Corin asked, the words coming out
before he could think twice about asking such a personal
question.
Rafferty stepped back, out of the immediate range of the
candlelight. He didn't answer, and Corin regretted saying
anything. Why would Rafferty confide in him? He'd barely been
speaking to Corin for two days and only because he had to. If
Corin didn't have the energy that Rafferty needed, Rafferty
would have been ignoring him as he had the previous few
months. That thought hurt, but Corin tried to ignore it.
"It's a long story," Rafferty said, his voice quiet. He sounded
exhausted, his voice flat, as if he was tired. He skirted around
the bureau, a shadowy shape in the candlelight as he moved
over to the rug. He unrolled it slowly, covering the glowing spell
circle again. Once he reached the other side, he paused, still
kneeling on the edge of the rug.
35 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Corin bit his lip, wishing again that he'd kept hismouth shut.
Nothing good ever came from opening his mouth. He should
have known that by now; it was what had gotten him in trouble
at home, more often than not, and it was what had gotten him
in trouble when he'd first arrived at the monastery, too.
"I grew up around here," Rafferty said, climbing tohis feet.
He brushed off the knees of his trousers, walking across the rug
towards the bed where Corin sat. "It's a little village to the west
of here, though I haven't been back in a few years."
Corin bit back his curiosity, waiting for Rafferty to continue.
Why had Rafferty been sent to the city to be trained, if he was
local? Maybe it was standard practice, Corin decided. It wasn't
as though he was well versed in how priests were trained.
"I had a sister," Rafferty said, sitting down on the edge of
the bed. He was looking at the rug, and the candle on the
bureau highlighted the profile of his face. Corin curled his
fingers around the edge of the bed, swallowing hard. Had.
Rafferty had hada sister. "We were both tapped to come to the
monastery the same year, even though I was a year younger
than her.
"It was obvious from the start they wanted me as a priest. I
didn't care one way or the other; it was become a priest or go
back and work a farm for the rest of my life. Catria encouraged
me to go with the priests. She thought I would be happier here,
that I'd never have to worry about being fed if we had a bad
crop year. So I did."
"What happened?" Corin asked quietly, almost dreading the
answer.
"She had more spirit energy than I did. I had enough that
they decided I would make a good priest, but she had enough to
bind the demons," Rafferty said. His voice was hollow and he sat
tensely, as though he expected Corin to scold him. "I don't know
if they didn't realize she was my sister, but they told me the day
after, showed me the secret, told me no one would think twice
about the story about her running off."
36 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"Oh, god," Corin breathed, wondering if the priests had
really been that stupid. No wonder they'd sent Rafferty to the
city. "Why did they let you live?"
"I didn't tell them," Rafferty said, his head dropping. "I
pitched a fit over them killing her, but they assumed it was only
because they'd killed her, not because she was my sister. I don't
know how they didn't know or how they never figured it out,
but it probably saved me. If they'd known… they probably
would have killed me, too, and said Catria and I had run off
together."
"And they won't listen to you now, either," Corin said,
connecting the dots. The priests didn't like Rafferty because he
was threatening how they did things—and had since the
beginning. "I'm sorry."
"I'm going to fix it," Rafferty said fiercely. "I'mgoing to make
sure they don't do it again. No one believed me when I told
them what they do out here. They hide it so well, and no one in
the city who is strong enough to realize what they're doing is
willing to travel out here to see for themselves."
"What if they don't listen?" Corin asked, digging his fingers
into the mattress. "What if they ignore you and continue to do
it their way?"
"I'll make them listen," Rafferty said darkly. He sat up
abruptly, glancing at Corin. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be putting you
in the same position they put me."
"My sister is safe at home," Corin said, shaking his head.
"It's not the same thing."
"It's blackmail. You help me, or both of you die. How is that
any better?" Rafferty asked bitterly, his mouth turning down.
"You're not trying to kill me," Corin said, rollinghis eyes. He
knew Rafferty didn't see it. It was too dark, and Rafferty wasn't
looking at him in any case. "You're trying to keep me from
dying, which I do appreciate. I'm sorry I've been… hesitant."
Rafferty snorted, finally lifting his head to look at Corin.
"You've had good reason."
"I'd help, even if I wouldn't die if I didn't," Corin said. He
reached out and set his hand on Rafferty's shoulder, hoping to
37 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
comfort or reassure Rafferty in some small way. Heat shot down
his arm, unsettlingly close to the way Rafferty's touch had
seared through him the previous day. Rafferty jumped, and
Corin pulled his hand back, his face heating. "Why does that
keep happening?"
"I don't know," Rafferty said, lifting his hand to touch his
shoulder where Corin had touched him. "I've never had that
happen before."
"Me neither," Corin said. He needed to keep his hands to
himself so it didn't happen again. Crossing his arms, Corin stared
at the rug, wondering if the ceremony would be as simple as
Rafferty described. Probably. Rafferty did seem to know what
he was doing, and Corin believed his story about his sister. It
made sense, and Rafferty hadn't been faking his heartbreak.
"You can share the bed with me," Rafferty said abruptly,
and Corin's fading flush flared back to life. Surely Rafferty didn't
mean what Corin thought he'd meant. "You can't go back to
your room now, and I'm not going to make you sleep on the
floor."
Corin nodded. He didn't feel tired, but Rafferty hadn't slept
the afternoon away. He'd probably been working on the casting
circle all day, and he'd need his rest, especially if he was going
to get the spell casting done for the following evening.
Standing, Corin pulled off his boots one at a time and
tucked them next to the foot of the bed so neither he nor
Rafferty would trip over them in the morning. Rafferty was
pulling off his boots as well; they were tall, knee-high affairs
that were in much better condition than Corin's ankle boots.
Corin climbed into the bed, ignoring the part of his mind that
insisted on focusing on the way Rafferty's touch affected him
and wondering if Rafferty's gold-blonde hair was as soft as it
looked, and whether his mouth was as malleable—
Corin cut that thought short, tucking himself against the
wall and leaving plenty of room for Rafferty to liedown without
touching him. Rafferty joined him a second later, sliding under
the blankets and carefully arranging them so they covered both
Corin and himself. It was a little uncomfortable, tucked against
38 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
the wall on a third of the bed, but it was leaps and bounds
above the thin pallet in his room or the hard stoneof the castle
roof.
There would also be no wandering demons, Corin realized.
He was sharing a comfortable bed, safe from demons and away
from Mavir's snores… and he was too awake to take advantage
of it. Rafferty sat up to snuff the candle, and then lay back
down, settling down quickly. He didn't say anything, and Corin
debated briefly whether he should wish Rafferty a good night's
sleep before deciding to keep quiet.
Rafferty seemed to fall asleep quickly, his breathing evening
out into a slow, steady pattern. He didn't snore, which was nice,
but it didn't help Corin fall asleep. He stared at the ceiling,
slowly relaxing as Rafferty continued to stay stilland quiet and
asleep. What would happen after they bound the demons
again? Somehow, Corin didn't think it was going to go the way
Rafferty obviously assumed it would. The priests wouldn't take
kindly to his interfering in their established ceremony again.
Would they kill him anyway? Possibly, though if Rafferty
used up Corin's spirit energy in the ceremony, it wasn't as
though it would do them any good. Perhaps they'd kill someone
else? No, probably not. The demons would be bound; there
would be no reason for them to kill anyone else to bind them.
At minimum, they'd probably send Rafferty away again and
make Corin's remaining months at the monastery miserable.
It would be worth it. Not only because Corin wouldn't die,
though that was a decided plus. He could warn Moori and
convince her to move away to somewhere they used Rafferty's
method to seal the demons. He'd also be able to help Rafferty,
and Corin couldn't help but think that a plus, eventhough it was
stupid to think of it that way.
Shifting slowly, so as to not wake Rafferty, Corin rolled onto
his side. The room was pitch black, like his room often was, but
it was a comfortable darkness. It didn't chill him, didn't make
him worry if he'd wake in the morning. It was also warmer,
which probably helped with that perception.
39 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Pillowing his head on his arm, Corin ignored the way his
head was buzzing. He wasn't going to worry about the
ceremony or the priests or the demons or Rafferty. It wouldn't
do any good——he was still going to help Rafferty no matter
the drawbacks. It was probably stupid to put all ofhis faith into
a single person, but all the worrying in the world wasn't going to
make Corin change his mind.
****
Corin was woken up by light. It wasn't a lot of light, barely
enough to paint the room in a faint glow. He was inRafferty's
room, Corin remembered, flushing when he realized that he and
Rafferty were much, much closer than they had been the
previous evening. Corin tended to sleep curled up, not sprawled
across the bed; Rafferty seemed to do much the same. At some
point during the night, however, they'd shifted together, and
Corin pressed against Rafferty in a number of places.
Flushing, Corin froze, not sure what to do. Any sudden
moves would wake Rafferty, for sure, and Corin didn't want to
do that. He wasn't feeling that strange surge of heat that he had
the last two times he'd touched Rafferty, Corin realized. That,
more than anything, was odd. Shifting slowly back, Corin rolled
over on his back, putting a bare inch between himself and
Rafferty despite wanting to shut his eyes and pretend he was
curled up with Rafferty.
Rafferty groaned, reaching up and pulling the blankets
higher over his shoulder. He managed to hit Corin'sarm with his
elbow in the process, and he froze, his eyes snapping open.
"Oh."
Corin smothered a smile, amused by the startled expression
on Rafferty's face. "Morning."
Rafferty grunted, his eyes slipping half closed. He looked
like he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but after
a moment, he shoved the blankets away, letting coldair sneak
under them. He slid out of bed, stumbling a bit, but catching his
balance on the bureau.
40 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"You need to get down to the dining hall before you're
missed," Rafferty said, mumbling the words tiredly."I'll pull you
out of dinner tonight to do something for me, and we can do
the ceremony then."
"My roommates will already have noticed I'm gone," Corin
said, sliding out of bed and moving to grab his boots. "I won't
tell them I was here, though."
Rafferty nodded, watching Corin for a moment. He had a
strange expression on his face, but in the next second it cleared.
Corin pulled on his boots quickly, nearly tripping over his feet
when he stood before the left one was fully on.
"Um, I'll see you tonight, then," Corin said, hesitating a
moment. Rafferty only nodded though, turning towards his
bureau with a clear dismissal. Corin lingered a moment more,
then turned and left the room. The hallway was empty,
thankfully, and Corin hurried down it, not really wanting to
explain what he was doing in there.
The hallway was much less spooky than it had been the
previous night when Rafferty had led him down it just barely
before full dark. Sunlight spilled down it from the windows at
the main corridor, and it was hard to remember thatthere were
shadow demons and sacrifices and binding ceremonies in the
works in the face of the bright, cheerful weather.
Corin made it downstairs without running into anyone. It
was about the time the servants were allowed to leave their
rooms. They usually didn't see any of the priests until a while
after that. Corin was willing to bet they were still sleeping,
taking their time in waking up. He reached the dining room
without incident as well. It was half-full, and no one seemed to
notice when he slipped in and headed for the sidebar to grab
some breakfast.
Settling in the back corner of the room, Corin started eating
that morning's breakfast. It was some sort of tasteless stew,
probably leftovers from the previous night's dinner, but it filled
Corin's stomach well enough. He was starving, having eaten
only Rafferty's dried fruit the previous evening. The dining hall
filled slowly, and Corin stifled his nerves. Only Alan and Mavir
41 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
had likely noticed he hadn't made it to his room, and he didn't
think either of them would care enough to make a big deal out
of it. They liked ignoring him; Corin liked ignoring them.
Corin fetched a second bowl of the stew when he'd finished
his first and ate it more slowly while he waited for Rafferty and
Tennyson to show up and select the people they weregoing to
test that day. Alan gave him a curious look from across the
room, elbowing Mavir and gesturing in Corin's direction. Mavir
shrugged, apparently unconcerned, and it seemed that was
that.
Stifling a sigh, Corin glanced towards the door when
Rafferty and Tennyson entered. Rafferty looked deeply unhappy
about something, and Corin frowned, wondering what had
happened. Rafferty had been tired that morning, butnot upset.
Corin set down his half-empty bowl as Rafferty started listing off
names. His stomach flipped worriedly, and a knot of dread
settled firmly in the pit of his stomach when Rafferty spoke his
name, the last of nine people selected.
Corin's blood ran cold. Rafferty had said he'd keep Corin
away from the testing. Why had he been selected? Rafferty
wouldn't have changed his mind, not with the plan to do the
ceremony later that day. So someone else had picked him—
maybe Tennyson? But why? Corin hadn't done anything
suspicious, unless staying in Rafferty's room for the night was
suspicious. Even then, Corin would have sworn no one had seen
him leave.
Standing, Corin nearly tripped over the bench he'd been
sitting on. He picked up his half-full bowl and cup of tea,
heading over to the sidebar to deposit them for collection by
whomever would be assigned to dishes duty. Then he followed
the eight others who had been selected from the room. Rafferty
didn't look at him, but he wouldn't want to raise suspicions
now.
He didn't know the names of anyone else in the group. They
all looked familiar, but Corin had never been good with names.
There were a lot of people who hadn't talked to him, so he'd
never got a chance to learn names. The test probably didn't
42 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
matter, Corin decided. They'd mark him as having a lot of spirit
energy, but if their ceremony to bind the demons was anything
like Rafferty's, it would take a few days to properly prepare for
it.
At which point, the demons would be bound, and hopefully,
they wouldn't kill Corin anyway.
Tennyson led them to a corner of the monastery where
Corin had never been before. Not unusual, Corin wasn't familiar
with a lot of the monastery, and one stone wall or stone hall
looked a lot like another. The library was a good size, about four
times the size of Rafferty's room. Books lined three of the walls,
and there was a set of four desks in the center of the room. The
tops of three of the desks were completely clear.
The last desk held stacks of papers, a few books, an ornate
lantern, and a single, ripe apple. The apple seemed to glow
softly, and the glow faded and strengthened slowly, casting a
dark, dark shadow below the apple. Corin swallowed hard,
fighting the urge to throw up. He forced himself tostep into the
room, hiding behind the rest of the servants as Tennyson turned
to address them.
Rafferty frowned at the apple, and Corin hoped he could get
away with not touching it. He might actually throw up then,
which was a waste of a perfectly adequate breakfast. He also
hoped Rafferty wasn't frowning at the apple because it was
something different than what he'd told Corin. He'donly said it
was a test to sort out who had the most spirit energy.
He'd also told Corin not to touch the apple. Corin glanced at
it again, discomfited all over again that it seemedto be glowing
with the same green color he'd seen on the roof. He blinked,
and it looked like an ordinary apple again, and theurge to throw
up was suddenly much less pressing.
Corin really, really wanted this to be over already. He was
tired of feeling on edge, tired of the way the demons seemed to
be playing with him. The circle on the roof, the visits at night,
the strange way the apple appeared in the sermon hall and
now, the apple's visual fluctuation. He wanted them locked
43 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
away, tucked back into the shadows where he couldn't sense
them.
"I want all of these books dusted," Tennyson said, gesturing
to the walls. "You, clean the desks." Tennyson pointed to a
slight girl with a dark braid running halfway down her back.
"There are cleaning rags in that corner."
Corin followed the rest of the group towards the cleaning
rags, fishing one out of the bucket without much attention. He
watched surreptitiously as the girl crossed to the desks, only
belatedly heading towards a bookshelf to make himself look
busy. Tennyson was watching the girl like a hawk, his gaze fixed
on her every move as she wiped down the empty desksunder
his eye.
"You had better move everything," Tennyson said, making it
sound as though there would be dire consequences if she
didn't.
Corin started dusting the spines of the books in front of him,
trying to make himself look busy while he watched. Rafferty was
standing nearby as well, though he was staring at the floor, a
thoughtful frown on his face. He was glowing slightly, Corin
realized, dropping the book he was holding. He bentquickly to
pick it up, wondering what Rafferty was doing.
It wasn't a green glow, Corin realized, wondering if that had
any significance. The circle on Rafferty's bedroom floor hadn't
been green either, unlike the apple and the circle on the roof.
What did that mean? Was it just because it was Rafferty's
energy? Corin shelved the book again, turning in time to see the
girl pick up the apple. She wiped down the part of the desk
where the apple had sat, then set it back down, apparently
unaffected.
It still looked like a normal apple, Corin noted, pulling
another book off the shelf to dust. It hadn't reacted at all, but
would it? Corin didn't know. He shelved the book again as
Tennyson started shouting at the girl that she was doing it all
wrong and ordered her to swap with one of the morons dusting
books. She scurried off, and a young man about Corin's age with
44 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
wheat blond hair and a wide, squashed nose headed over to the
desk.
Corin swallowed and stopped watching. He kept dusting,
pretending nothing strange was going on while Tennyson
shouted at each of them in turn until finally only Corin was left
to try and clean off the desks. Rafferty was still glowing, and
Corin wondered why he could see that and no one else seemed
to—especially Tennyson, since he was also a priest.
Crossing the room with no small amount of trepidation,
Corin glanced at Tennyson. He was watching Corin asintently as
he had everyone before Corin, but there was a bit of a smirk
turning his lips that Corin didn't like. He bit hislip, but started
cleaning off the desk, shifting papers and books first. He left the
apple for last, wiping down around it. He wanted to look at
Rafferty, but there was no way Tennyson wouldn't see him do
that.
He also couldn't notpick up the apple. That would be even
more suspicious. Taking a deep breath, Corin reached out and
wrapped his hand around the apple.
Nothing happened.
Corin almost dropped the apple in surprise, but managed to
fumble into setting it down. He wiped the spot of desk under it,
and then looked up at Tennyson.
Tennyson wasn't looking at him anymore. He was glaring at
Rafferty, who wasn't glowing any longer. Corin glanced between
them, and then glanced past them towards the girl who had
cleaned the desk first. She shrugged, rolling her eyes before
turning back to the bookcase she was working on. Itwas such a
normal reaction that Corin almost laughed.
"Move everything to another desk and start again,"
Tennyson snapped, making Corin jump and drop his rag.
Corin nodded, not willing to argue with that tone of voice.
Not that he would have argued in any case; it wouldhave been
suspicious to argue with a priest, even if he was asking Corin to
do something stupid like clean a desk for the twentieth time
that week.
45 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Starting with the papers and books, Corin slowly moved
everything from one desk to another, creating neat stacks and
arranging everything just so, before finally turning back to the
desk for the apple. Nothing had happened before, so nothing
should happen again, right? Rafferty wasn't glowing anymore,
though, and the queasy feeling Corin had felt before had come
back.
He couldn't hesitate. If he hesitated, Tennyson would find it
odd, and that could jeopardize Rafferty's plan. Corin didn't
doubt that Tennyson would assume Rafferty had warned him,
since he had to know Rafferty didn't approve of thesacrificing
part of binding the demons.
Corin reached out and picked up the apple for the second
time. He barely kept from gasping as a cold, unpleasant shock
traveled up his arm. He fumbled the apple again, and it tumbled
from his grasp. It rolled across the top of the desk to fall at
Tennyson's feet. Corin's entire arm felt numb, and he shook it.
His heart raced, and he looked up at Tennyson, unsurprised to
see a look of smug satisfaction on Tennyson's face.
"Clean off the desk," Tennyson said, leaning down to pick up
the apple. He didn't seem to suffer the same reaction Corin had,
handling it as though it were nothing but a real apple. It was
glowing faintly green again, and Corin really, really wanted to
throw up and cut off his arm and be anywhere but standing in
this room with Tennyson and who knew how many demons, all
out for his blood.
Moving stiffly, Corin wiped down the surface of the desk,
then stepped back, waiting for something more from Tennyson.
"Good enough," Tennyson said after a moment of
inspection. Purely for show, Corin was sure of it. "You're all
dismissed. Get back to your regular duties."
Corin hesitated before turning away from the desk and
heading across the room to deposit his rag into the bucket
where he'd gotten it. It tumbled from his nerveless fingers,
falling in among the other rags, and Corin wanted to go find
someplace to hide away, someplace bright and warm and quiet
and alone. If he hadn't known about the apple, if it weren't for
46 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Rafferty, he seriously contemplate running away from the
monastery, consequences be damned.
"Rafferty, a word," Tennyson said, his voice cutting through
the chatter around Corin. He didn't sound happy, and Corin
turned, unable not to. Rafferty was halfway to the door, and
Tennyson was scowling at his back.
Corin hesitated, but there was nothing he could gain by
staying, for either Rafferty or himself. Rafferty nodded sharply,
turning back towards Tennyson. He caught Corin's eye as he
turned, but he didn't pause, looking determined andnot at all
worried.
He could handle Tennyson, Corin decided, filing outof the
room with the rest of the servants. Rafferty wasn't stupid; he
had to know Tennyson wasn't happy, that whatever blocking
he'd tried to do had been found out, that Tennyson knew Corin
was the best one for a sacrifice. He'd figure something out; all
Corin had to do was stay clear of it and not drink the wine.
Knowing that and feeling it were two different things,
however. Corin's stomach still wouldn't settle, and he had the
uncomfortable feeling that someone was watching him, even
after he left the library and headed back to the main parts of
the monastery. Taking a deep breath to try and dispel the
sensation, Corin wished fervently that the day would pass
quickly, and he could get the ceremony done with and go back
to feeling normal again.
****
The day passed unbearably slowly. Corin ended up in the
kitchen again, running errands for the cook, which helped keep
him busy, but not busy enough that he stopped worrying. He
didn't see Rafferty, didn't hear anything about it, and nothing
seemed to have changed. Corin didn't feel right, however. He
felt shaky, as if he'd been sick for weeks and was only now
getting better. His stomach turned every time he smelled food,
and he kept dropping things and tripping over his own feet.
47 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
His arm felt fine at least, Corin thought, debatingwhether
to skip going to the dining hall for dinner. The idea of eating
anything was unpleasant, and sitting among a crowd of
chattering people wasn't appealing either. He'd almost decided
to head back to his room when he remembered Rafferty's
instructions from that morning. Rafferty was supposed to pull
him out of the hall so they could do the binding.
Stifling a sigh, Corin trudged towards the dining hall. He
could find a seat by the door, Corin decided, and wait for
Rafferty there. Dinner, like breakfast, was typically served with
tea. Maybe a cup of that would soothe his stomach, though
Corin highly doubted it. He was sure it was some sort of
lingering reaction to touching the apple, and Corindidn't want
to know what was in the apple that had caused it.
He did want to know how Rafferty had blocked it thefirst
time Corin had touched the apple. He probably shouldn't want
to know anything about his spirit energy or how to use it. It was
dangerous and was too closely related to the demons, but it
couldn't be all bad, could it? Rafferty seemed to be using it for
good, and Corin wondered what all it could do and how it
worked. Maybe when everything was over with he could ask
Rafferty to teach him.
Entering the dining hall, Corin paused barely inside the
doorway. The dining hall was much brighter than it usually was.
There were extra candles scattered throughout the room,
burning brightly. The room was warmer than usual, and
everyone seemed louder as well. Corin frowned, rubbing his
head. The scent of spiced meat was heavy in the air, and Corin
turned to stare at the food tables.
They never got meat, not unless it was cooked to death and
spread thin through a stew or soup. There were platters of
meat, however, alongside fruits and vegetables, rolls, and what
looked to be some sort of dessert cakes. On either end of the
serving tables sat a cask of wine, and Corin's blood ran cold.
They drug the wine at dinner, wasn't that what Rafferty had
said? It hadn't made sense—they never got wine, only tea—but
48 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
now there was wine, which meant they were planning to kill
him later that night.
Where was Rafferty? Did he know? Suddenly, Tennyson
pulling Rafferty back seemed much more sinister, and Corin
hoped like hell that Rafferty was all right. Corin forced himself
to walk over to one of the dining tables, sitting down without
bothering to get anything to eat or drink. Raffertyhad said the
wine was spiked, but what was to keep them from spiking
everything, just in case? There was no tea to be had, either, and
Corin was positive he'd throw up anything he tried to eat.
The uneasy feeling snaked up his spine, and Corin rested his
arms on the table, then pillowed his head on top ofhis arms. He
had to wait, to see if Rafferty showed up. If he didn't… Corin
swallowed hard, ignoring the hubbub around him. If Rafferty
didn't show, Corin would have to go find him. He'd check
Rafferty's room, and if Rafferty wasn't there, he'drun. He had
to at least warn Moori and keep her safe.
Shutting his eyes, Corin focused on breathing, trying his best
to ignore the chatter in the hall—louder than normal, likely
because of the special drink and food—and the sour, uneasy
sensation in the pit of his stomach that had been with him all
day. It was stronger than ever, and Corin didn't know what that
meant, only that he was sure it meant nothing good.
Corin jumped, his heart leaping into his throat when
someone rested a hand on his shoulder. Hope surged through
him—Rafferty?—but immediately died when he turned to find a
priest he didn't recognize standing behind him.
"Are you not going to eat?" The priest asked, the very
picture of concern.
His touch made Corin's skin crawl in the exact sameway the
demons did when they visited his room at night, and Corin
scrambled to stand, managing to mumble, "Sick," before
dashing from the hall. He could hear the priest behind him, and
Corin stopped right outside the doors, bending over and
heaving, his stomach rebelling at the very idea of the man near
him.
49 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
The priest stopped behind him, making a noise of disgust as
Corin threw up into the hallway. Corin ignored him, breathing
hard and trying to figure out a way to get the priest to stop
following him. He doubted the priest would let him walk away
unsupervised, not when Corin was the star for their binding
ceremony. They wouldn't want to chance him slippingaway and
running off, especially after Rafferty had been caught trying to
help him earlier.
"Some wine will settle your stomach," the priest said
soothingly, coming closer when Corin stopped heaving.
"I think I'd rather have tea," Corin mumbled, wiping his
mouth with the back of his hand. He straightened slowly, not
sure he was completely done throwing up, especially if the
priest took it to mind to touch him again. Why was his touch so
different from Rafferty's?
"All right," the priest said, and Corin's nausea redoubled
when the man's eyes glowed an unearthly green. Corin
swallowed hard, covering his mouth with his hand as though
that would keep him from throwing up again. The priest took a
hasty step back at the warning sign, and Corin dropped his
hand, breathing slowly and shallowly.
The glow abruptly disappeared, and Corin's stomach settled
almost immediately. He still felt queasy, but not as though
throwing up was imminent. Maybe there was a demon in the
priest, Corin thought, his blood running cold again. That was the
only reason he could think of that would explain why the
priest's proximity affected him and why the man glowed.
"Come, sit down," the priest coaxed, stepping back to give
Corin a clear path back to the dining room. "I'll have someone
bring you some tea."
Drugged tea, Corin was positive about that. He had to get
away, but there was no way he'd be able to slip away from the
dining hall and no way he'd be able to get out of drinking the
tea. His best chance was here, Corin realized. The corridor
outside the dining hall was empty of everyone except him and
the priest. Everyone else was in the dining hall either enjoying
50 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
the spoils or watching to make sure everyone drank the wine or
something else that was drugged.
The priest was the only barrier, Corin realized, but how
could he get past the man without drawing attention? Could he
do something with his spirit energy like Rafferty could?
Doubtful, Corin thought dismally. Rafferty had beentrained to
use his; Corin hadn't even known his had existed for more than
a few days.
"Are you all right?" The priest asked, jolting Corin from his
thoughts. He looked vaguely concerned, as though hethought
Corin was going to throw up again.
Corin shook his head, taking a step back and tryingto think.
He had to get past the man, had to get to Rafferty's room to see
if he was there. He would have been better off running away
from the monastery, Corin knew, but he couldn't give up on
Rafferty, not after everything Rafferty had done for him. Not
after hearing how the priests had murdered Rafferty's sister.
The priest stepped in, a frown furrowing his brow. He
reached out, as though he was going to touch Corin. Corin
panicked, throwing a punch at the priest before he thought
about it. His fist sunk into the man's nose, and Corin's stomach
turned at the touch. Corin scrambled back, wide-eyed as the
priest's nose started pouring blood. His hand hurt, Corin
registered, distantly, and he turned and ran, not wanting to see
what would happen if he stayed.
He didn't hear shouting or footsteps, but Corin didn't look
back to be certain, just ran as fast as he could down the corridor
towards the staircase he knew would take him up. He flung
himself into the stairwell and threw himself up thestairs, taking
them as quickly as he could. Not quickly enough, hefelt, but he
didn't feel anyone behind him.
The stairwell was shadowy and getting darker with every
second. Unease crawled across every inch of Corin'sskin, and he
was willing to bet the darkness in the stairwell wasn't because
the sun was going down. It was pitch black by the time Corin
reached the floor where Rafferty's room was, and Corin
51 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
desperately hoped Rafferty was there because he wassure he
wasn't going back down if Rafferty wasn't.
Sprinting down the corridor towards Rafferty's room,
Corin's heavy breathing was loud in his ears. It was dark here,
too. Candles were lit, but much more sparsely than they had
been the previous night. The candles went out as Corin ran by
them, but he didn't dare pause, hoping he was remembering
the corridors and rooms correctly. He turned sharply down the
hallway he thought was correct, slowing as he ran out of breath.
The door to Rafferty's room was glowing, and Corin
stumbled to a stop, staring wide-eyed at the green glow. Green
wasn't the color of Rafferty's magic, and the markson the door
had a decidedly unpleasant aura to them. Corin glanced back,
panic flaring when he saw the corridor behind him was
completely, utterly dark. No candles remained lit, and there was
no light visible from the windows at the end of thehall. The sun
wasn't down yet; there should still have been light.
Corin grabbed the doorknob to Rafferty's room, trying it
before he remembered that Rafferty locked it and the strange
glow on the door had to mean something. It turned easily under
his hand, though, with a shock shooting through himnot unlike
the one that had shot through him when he'd picked up the
apple in the library. Pushing the door open, Corin all but fell into
the room and then slammed the door behind him as though it
would keep the demons out.
Rafferty surged to his feet from where he'd been sitting on
the bed, almost tripping over the rug that he'd rolled out of the
way. The pattern on the floor, glowing faintly white, was much
more elaborate than it had been that morning. He all but
sprinted across the room to Corin, grabbing him by the
shoulders.
"Are you all right?" Rafferty demanded, and Corin shook his
head, not sure he could speak yet. His breath was still coming
fast and hard, but Rafferty's touch was soothing, warm and
burning away the fear and cold and queasiness that the priest's
touch had inspired.
52 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"It's tonight," Corin finally managed to say, not liking the
strain in his voice, and Rafferty nodded, squeezing Corin's
shoulders before letting him go. "I hit a priest and ran up here."
"I'm sorry," Rafferty said, looking away from Corin. "I would
have come, but they locked me in to keep me from interfering."
"Not your fault," Corin said, running a hand through his hair
and glancing at the circle on the floor. His heartbeat kicked up a
notch, but it wasn't panic or fear. "Can—is it ready?"
Rafferty nodded, stepping back and letting Corin see the
circle. "I'd say you don't have to—"
"It's fine," Corin said quietly, glancing at the door. "I want
to. Even if they weren't going to kill me, I would."
Rafferty looked startled at that, but then he ducked his
head. "I'm sorry you don't have the choice." He stepped away
from Corin before Corin could reply, turning towards the door.
He pressed his hand against it and began chanting slowly. The
door slowly faded away, turning into more wall, until it looked
as though there had never been an opening there to begin with.
"That will keep everyone out," Rafferty said, as though
Corin needed that explanation. "If at any point youwant me to
stop—"
"Stop it," Corin snapped, fed up with Rafferty's sudden
hesitation. "I'm doing this, and you don't need to coddle me
about it. What are my other choices? Stop and be sacrificed?
Stop and let Moori be sacrificed next year? I wasn't lying, either,
when I said I'd do it even if they weren't trying to kill me
tonight. No one else deserves to die."
"It might get unpleasant," Rafferty said, biting his lip briefly
before looking at the circle. "I've never done thisbefore, and I
don't know what exactly will happen."
"Okay," Corin said, crossing his arms stubbornly. "Don't stop
it, even if I say to."
"Are you sure?" Rafferty asked, and Corin didn't yell at him
more only because he looked so miserable asking.
"Positive," Corin said. He didn't have a choice, and that
helped his resolve. He also trusted Rafferty. Rafferty's touch
never felt wrong or made him uneasy. The priests' did, and their
53 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
magic seemed so wrong, unlike Rafferty's, and that had to mean
something.
"Stand there," Rafferty said, gesturing to the blank part of
the circle near the window. "Walk around the glyphsuntil you
reach that spot, then step over the line."
Corin nodded, following Rafferty's directions. He had only
barely reached the far side of the circle when a loud thump
came from the wall where the door had been. Corin jumped,
startled, and nearly stepped over the circle in thewrong spot.
Rafferty glanced at the wall wide-eyed, but then shook his head.
"They won't get in," Rafferty said, but he moved quickly,
crossing the room to the writing desk. He picked up two
daggers, walking over to Corin and handing him one.He crossed
the room, jumping slightly when the wall thumped again, the
floor reverberating with the force of the impact.
"Will it take long?" Corin asked, glancing at the wall again.
"Fifteen minutes, maybe," Rafferty said. "Step in. When I
cut my arm, I need you to cut yours. You don't need to do
anything else—and don't step out of the circle until the light
fades, all right?"
Corin nodded, stepping into the circle. A warm, pleasant
rush of energy surged across his skin, erasing the last traces of
uneasiness from the priest's touch. Rafferty stepped in opposite
him, and Corin watched him take a deep breath. Light flared up
from the edge of the circle, reaching towards the ceiling. It
glowed white, obscuring the view of Rafferty's roomoutside the
circle.
Rafferty started chanting then, and Corin watched him
carefully, waiting for his cue. Rafferty continued chanting,
speaking the words slowly and clearly, and Corin wondered
what language it was. He listened carefully, curious, but none of
it made any sense to him. A few moments in, Rafferty lifted his
arm. His dagger shone with the glow of the circle'slight, and he
drew the dagger across his palm.
Blood dripped to the circle, and the glow flared brighter.
Corin took a deep breath and dragged his dagger across his left
palm as he'd seen Rafferty do. The dagger was sharper than
54 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
he'd realized, and he cut more deeply than he'd intended. Corin
turned his hand to let the blood fall to the circle, surprised
when the circle turned a gentle, calming blue.
Rafferty continued to chant, and Corin started feeling dizzy
and light-headed. He set his feet more firmly. He didn't want to
screw it up by passing out. The floor shook, and for a moment
Corin thought he had fallen, but everything settledin the next
second. The circle's light flared even brighter, then, as Rafferty
shouted a final word, abruptly died out and away.
Someone screamed nearby, and Corin fell to his knees,
feeling weak and unsteady. Rafferty was on his knees across the
circle, and the wall behind Rafferty, where the door had been,
was completely missing. There was a priest passed out on the
far side of the circle's edge, and Corin braced himself, expecting
to feel the cold wash of the demons' presence.
Nothing happened, and Corin took a deep breath, trying to
steady himself. His hand was still bleeding, but itwas sluggish
and slow and not important. Rafferty struggled to his feet
slowly, wavering there a moment before stepping out of the
circle. Corin thought about following suit, but he stayed where
he was, not feeling any particular rush to stand.
Rafferty stepped over to where the priest was laying and
knelt down, pressing a hand against the man's neck.He wasn't
breathing, Corin realized. He wasn't moving at all, and Corin's
stomach sank. Had they killed him? Rafferty didn't look
surprised, standing after a moment and turning to Corin. He
crossed the room slowly, stepping into the circle as if it didn't
exist. Corin glanced down and realized it didn't actually exist
anymore. The outside edge of the circle was burned into the
floor, but the rest of the marks were gone.
"Here," Rafferty said, holding out a hand to Corin. Corin
took it, letting Rafferty help him to his feet. Rafferty's touch
didn't feel like anything for once. Corin stood still for a long
moment, not letting go of Rafferty's hand, wholly because he
thought he might fall over without the support.
"Is he dead?" Corin asked, and Rafferty winced, which was
as much confirmation as Corin needed.
55 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"Come on, sit down," Rafferty said, and Corin's heart sank.
Rafferty had known it would kill the man. He'd known. Why
hadn't he said anything?
"Are they all dead?" Corin asked, not sure he wanted to
know the answer to that. If they weren't, Corin was dead.
They'd kill him in retribution, if nothing else.
"No," Rafferty said firmly, leading Corin over to the bed.
Corin sat down heavily, tensing when Rafferty sat down next to
him. "I wasn't entirely honest with you, and I'm sorry."
"Hah," Corin said bitterly, unable to muster enoughenergy
for more emotion.
"I didn't have time to explain everything," Rafferty said
quietly. He was sitting stiffly, tensely, as though he expected
Corin to lash out at him. "It's more complicated…"
"Tell me," Corin snapped, twisting so he could stare Rafferty
down. Rafferty ducked his head, his hair falling inhis face. When
had it come unbound? Corin shook that thought away,wishing
he didn't feel so tired so he could properly yell at Rafferty.
"The shadow demons are a problem across the country,"
Rafferty said slowly, curling his hands together inhis lap. "That's
why there are so many spells to combat them. What most
people don't know is that the shadow demons have to be
summoned. They don't get to this world on their own. Someone
has to call them."
"Why would they?" Corin asked, his eyes widening. Why
would anyone subject themselves to the feeling the shadow
demons caused?
"Why else? Power," Rafferty said bitterly, pushing his hair
out of his face. "Most of the priests have a lot ofspirit energy,
like you and me. Some don't have as much, which means they
can't cast as many or as powerful spells."
"So summoning the demons somehow gives them more
power?" Corin interpreted, his blood running cold. That was
even worse than the priests sacrificing people to keep the
demons bound.
"Right," Rafferty said. "But it comes at a price."
56 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"A price they don't pay," Corin said. How many people had
the priests killed to keep their power?
"No, they pay it as well, though I don't suppose they think
of it that way," Rafferty said quietly, gesturing to the dead man
on the floor. "Demon energy slowly erodes the spirit energy of
the person using it. When there's no more spirit energy, a
demon takes over."
Corin's blood ran cold as he remembered the way the
priest's eyes had glowed in the corridor outside the dining hall.
"Oh, god."
"The sacrifices are to keep the demons bound, in a sense,"
Rafferty said, his voice hollow. "Without it, the demons have
more power here and don't have to work with the priests or do
their bidding."
"What did we do?" Corin asked, glancing at the deadpriest
again. He was still dead, and Corin looked away again. He was
dead before the demon had been expelled, Corin toldhimself.
"Banished the demons. All of them," Rafferty said, running a
hand through his hair and looking pensive. "The entire
monastery was using their power, some more than others.
Unfortunately, there's no way to save the men who let the
demons in fully. They're gone."
"And the rest of them?" Corin asked, glancing at the missing
wall. No one was there, and he wondered what the priests were
doing. Were they staying away in case they were also killed?
"They'll be ill for weeks until they recover," Rafferty said.
"They'll also be arrested and placed in jail. It's against the
highest laws to summon demons, and everyone here was
complicit."
"Did you really have a sister?" Corin asked, too tired to keep
the question back when he thought of it. "Or was that just a
ploy to get me to play along?"
Rafferty jerked as if he'd been slapped, but then he shook
his head, speaking so quietly that Corin barely heard him. "I did.
They killed her."
"Oh," Corin said, feeling like an ass.
57 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"They sent me away when I raised a fuss, thinking no one
would believe me when I told him what was going on here,"
Rafferty said, his voice flat and toneless. He wasn't looking at
Corin, but staring at the hole in the wall, and why did Corin
want to comfort him? Rafferty had lied to him. "They believed
me, but the priests here were clever enough to hideeverything
whenever anyone came looking. I have no idea how,
considering how many demons they've summoned, but there
was no evidence. They sent me back to get it."
"Wait, just to get evidence?" Corin asked, frowning.
Rafferty nodded. "I've been here for six months, but they
kept sending me out to surrounding villages to ensure they
were complying and sending in everyone who was eligible to
the monastery. I didn't have the chance to collect anything until
the last few weeks. I wasn't supposed to do this—partly
because I don't have the energy on my own to do this."
"Why did you?" Corin asked. His head was spinning, and he
had the feeling he was missing something.
"I overheard Tennyson talking to one of the other priests,"
Rafferty said, glancing at Corin. His face was shadowed in the
fading light from the window, but his gaze was strong. "They
planned to force me into the sacrifice, to get me using the
demon magic so they could convert me to using it and
protecting them. Between that and the way the binding was
failing, I knew I didn't have time to wait for reinforcements."
"You had to use me," Corin said, and that made a certain
amount of sense. He had the energy, and Rafferty hadn't had
the time to wait for another source. "Why lie?"
"It was simpler," Rafferty said, shaking his head. "Maybe I
should have told you everything, but you didn't even believe in
demons when I approached you."
Corin flushed, remembering his skepticism when Rafferty
had talked to him in the little writing room. It seemed like
months had passed since then, not mere days. "Right," Corin
said awkwardly. "Sorry."
Rafferty snorted. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm
sorry I had to drag you into this."
58 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"I don't mind," Corin said quietly, shrugging. "I liked the…
non-demon parts of it."
"Really?" Rafferty asked. He stood, and Corin watched him
curiously as he fumbled around on the top of the bureau. He
eventually managed to light a candle, sending flickering light
across the room. He sat down heavily, turning back to Corin. "I
initially thought you'd make a good priest, but I wasn't going to
suggest it after everything you've done here."
"A priest?" Corin asked, his eyes widening. "Why?"
"It's an offer they make to anyone who has a lot of spirit
energy," Rafferty said, shrugging. "I didn't think you'd be
interested after everything the priests put you through here. If
you are interested in using your spirit energy, there's no better
place to learn."
"Oh," Corin said, not able to think of a better reply than
that. "How many priests use the demons?"
"I can't say," Rafferty said, frowning. "More than should, but
we're trying to find them all and banish the demons. It's difficult
because the higher-level users can hide it easily, since the
demons are hidden in their bodies. Then there are the remote
monasteries like this one, which can become completely
corrupted."
"You can't just feel them?" Corin asked, wondering if the
uneasy, nauseous feeling he felt was all in his head.
"Feel them?" Rafferty repeated, his brow furrowing."What
do you mean?"
"When they get close," Corin said, shrugging. "I always feel
it, like they're pulling my energy to the surface? I could feel it
whenever he got too close and even when he wasn't."
"Oh," Rafferty said, looking surprised. He hesitated, and
then asked, "Can you see the energy, too?"
"See it? The glow, you mean?" Corin asked, wondering what
that meant. "But the circle and… glyphs?" Corin paused at the
unfamiliar word. "They were made of it, right?"
"I painted them down," Rafferty said, and the way he was
staring at Corin was discomfiting. "You can really see energy?"
59 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"I guess?" Corin said, shifting nervously where he sat.
"Why?"
"It's rare," Rafferty said. "Really, really rare."
"Oh," Corin said, ducking his head a little. He wasn't sure he
liked the sound of that. "What does that mean?"
"Not much," Rafferty said. He smiled faintly, turning to look
at the priest on the floor. "Did you see him glow?"
"I don't know," Corin said. "I never saw anything glow
before that first day when you told me about everything and
made the windows dark. Then the roof glowed and the apple
glowed and the priest in the dining hall glowed. They were all
different colors."
"You didn't believe in it before," Rafferty said, as though
that explained it. "You wouldn't have seen it untilyou believed
it was there."
"Okay," Corin accepted, because weirder things had
happened. "What happens now?"
"Um," Rafferty said, his brow furrowing in thought."I sent a
missive a week ago requesting assistance. That should show up
in a few days. They'll help sort everything out andtake care of
arresting the priests here who don't flee. I'll probably send
everyone home since there's no point in keeping everyone here
when there are no priests to serve."
"Even me?" Corin asked, quietly. He wasn't sure what he
wanted. Home sounded good. He missed his family andwanted
to see his sisters. There would be no demons, no priests, no one
wanting to kill him. There would also be no Rafferty, and no
chance to learn more about his spirit energy, and both of those
were stupid, stupid reasons to want to stay.
"I should report you," Rafferty said, and then hastily
continued at Corin's alarmed look, "Your capabilities, I should
report those to the priesthood. They'd be very interested in
recruiting you, between your amount of energy and your
sensitivity to demons."
"Oh," Corin said. He supposed that made sense. "What
happens then?"
60 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"I said should," Rafferty said, smiling a crooked smile that
didn't look very happy in the candlelight. "Not that I would. If
you want to go home, I won't say a word."
"Why?" Corin asked. "Won't that get you in trouble?"
"I'd have to tell them about your energy, but not about your
sensitivity. They wouldn't force you to join the priesthood, and I
can pretty easily convince them that you don't want anything
more to do with priests after everything you've been through,"
Rafferty said, shrugging. He looked away again, looking unhappy
and tired and strained.
"What if I do?" Corin asked quietly, hoping he wouldn't
regret this in the morning. "I mean, with conditions."
"Conditions?" Rafferty repeated, looking at Corin again. He
looked away quickly, and Corin hesitated, not entirely sure he
was doing the right thing.
"I'd have to be trained, right?" Corin asked. He didn't know
the first thing about using his spirit energy, so that was a given.
"But then they'd probably put me to finding and banishing
demons, because I'm sensitive to them?"
"Probably," Rafferty agreed, giving him a puzzled look.
"Why?"
"I… I don't think I'd trust just anyone to teach me," Corin
said slowly. "I've only ever met one priest who wasn't after my
energy for something evil, and how would I know that anyone
else is being straightforward?"
"I wasn't straightforward with you," Rafferty pointed out.
"What are you suggesting?"
"I'd do it," Corin said, shifting nervously and hoping Rafferty
didn't laugh in his face. "But only if you trained me. I want to
know how to use it, and I don't want anyone else to be
sacrificed. If I can help, I want to."
Rafferty was silent for a moment before he nodded. "I can
probably convince them to let me train you, especially if I say
the other option is you walking away. With your sensitivity,
they'd probably accept any terms."
61 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
"I don't want you to if you don't want to," Corin said,
fumbling over the words when it occurred to him that maybe
Rafferty wouldn't be keen on having him around any longer.
"Oh, no, it's fine, I don't mind," Rafferty said quickly, turning
towards Corin quickly. "I'm not the best teacher."
"I think you'll be the best teacher," Corin said quietly and
flushed because he hadn't meant to say that aloud.
"You give me too much credit," Rafferty said quietly. "I will
do my best."
"That's all I want," Corin said then stood up, onlywobbling a
little. "We should probably go make sure everyone else is
okay?"
"Good idea," Rafferty said, standing. He wavered, nearly
falling, and Corin moved to catch him automatically. Rafferty
grabbed his arms for balance, and Corin instinctively slid an arm
around Rafferty's waist to steady him, putting Rafferty much
closer than Corin had anticipated. Corin froze, sure his face was
going to catch fire.
Rafferty didn't move away, even though he was steady on
his feet, and Corin couldn't make himself move. He couldn't
remember the last time he'd been this close to someone who
hadn't been a relative—at least a year—and it was Rafferty,
who felt warm and smelled of oranges and cloves andthere had
to be a reason Rafferty's touch went straight to his cock, right?
Corin wasn't sure which of them moved—maybe it was him,
maybe it was Rafferty, or perhaps it was both—but in the next
breath, Rafferty's lips were sliding against his. Corin's breath
hitched in his throat, and he shut his eyes, returning the slow,
gentle kiss as warmth spread through his chest. He tightened his
grip around Rafferty's waist, pulling him closer and drawing the
kiss deeper, not wanting the moment to end. It did,
unfortunately, but Rafferty didn't pull away, instead leaning
against Corin easily as though he belonged in Corin's arms.
"Are you sure?" Rafferty asked quietly. His back was to the
candle, casting his face completely into shadow so Corin
couldn't gauge his expression.
62 | Sasha L. Miller – Playing With Shadows
Acting on instinct instead, Corin didn't reply verbally, but
kissed Rafferty again, hard and sure this time, notpulling back
until both he and Rafferty were breathless. Rafferty's fingers
dug into his arms, but he returned the kiss full measure, leaving
Corin dizzy and no small amount aroused.
"If I had the energy, I'd show you just how sure I am," Corin
said, making Rafferty laugh quietly.
"That's not…" Rafferty paused, twisting free of Corin's arms.
"You're not agreeing to the priesthood because of me, are
you?"
"Not entirely," Corin said, being honest. "I do want to help."
"Okay," Rafferty said, accepting that. He held out his hand
to Corin, and Corin took it, remembering the first time Rafferty
had touched him. It didn't feel at all the same this time, and
Corin let Rafferty lead him from the room, nervous but hopeful
about what they'd find in the future.
Fin
Sasha L. Miller spends most of her time writing, reading, or
playing with all things website design. She loves telling stories,
especially romance, because there’s nothing better than giving
people their happily ever afters. When not writing,she spends
time cooking, harassing her roommates, and playing with her
cats.
nikerymis@gmail.com
sashalmiller.com
lessthanthreepress.com
@nikerymis
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